I am your broken tragic struck heart
I am the first tears of happiness ever cried when you’ve realized your first true love
I am the sting in the callused hand that struck you
I am your sinking embarrassment on the first day of school
I am the clouds rushed in to rain on your parade chasing you into warmth that only yesterday was one half of all that you ever wished for
I am the envy that asks for more tricking you to push yourself just a little further
You think you want that but you really want this
Should I string happiness in front of you and dangle it for a moment or two?
Or should I break your donkey's leg?
I am the thunderous laughter at the moment of your greatest sorrow
I am the great I told you so
And we'll joke about you as you die in agony
Do you remember that beautiful moment?
The hardest you ever laughed?
Your most excruciating pain?
That instant when you realized they didn't really love you back?
Small comparisons in contrast to the feelings you'll experience when we rehash all your so called misadventures and you will laugh with our entire being making me promise to not make it so easy the next time
Why is the secret of pain such a secret you will ask? Knowing the answer that I have for you
But you will need to hear it just the same.
I'll tell you again that you need a break from so much joy and so you live
And you will tell me that it would be impossible to ever feel such sadness and confusion again
You will tell me that there are no further pains that you could suffer
You will tell me that you have came as far as you can go
Like all others who have come before you've put a limit on your power
Surely you'll try to test your vibration by comparing it with mine but I will cast you down with love and I will feed you with a silver spoon
Surely you'll feel your knowingness deep inside your being... beyond explanation and with out reason you will try to explain it to others and if your not crucified you may sell a book or make a million but that will not satisfy you and you will suffer
You may even go so far as to not use your gifts... maybe because you feel undeserving or maybe so that you have something to still fight for
Eventually you will find what you seek and you'll have to come to peace with the fact that things will never be the same at which point you may capture a glimpse of what you feel in a painting or a poem but if your lucky the feelings will fade and you can dwell on your regrets
Maybe you'll chose the easiest and most painful which is not to try at all
I envy you!
It's the not trying that gets you the farthest and by farthest I mean most painful and by most painful I mean most joyful because one cannot exist without the other
Some of the most evolved entities don't enjoy their existence compared to others that are able to feed off the basics
There is nothing more painful than regret
The most beautiful regret is regretting not having done something
Not having done something is much better than having done everything... It's like saving the best for last
You have an eternity
No curfew so to speak
If you want to live the paradise smoke heavily, overeat, hop from one abusive partner to another until you can't sleep a whole night through without bruises, tears or bloody flem... your next life will be a bowl full of cherries
One day you might awaken your true senses and realize that you can leave the path of controlled chaos and get everything you need through the simple things around you
Do you think the energy knows whether your sad because of a movie you just saw or a loved one dying?
Do you think the energy knows the difference between the millions of people that died by Hitler's word in a time the seemed emotionless at best? Or the 3 thousand that died on September 11th who the whole world mourned?
Shit has to happen
It forces you to grow
Writers block will make the writer want to write
When you channel the essence of hate and fear into art or film or which ever medium you choose you are releasing an energy that would otherwise find some other way to manifest
Having empathy for someone that experiences an accident or tragedy will prevent an accident of your own
The rich get richer... they've got it made... It seems that everything works out for them
Did you know that Richie Rich can get just as much energy over losing at high stakes poker as Joe Blow going bankrupt?
No physical life is perfect, though many lives appear to be
There will always be setbacks and misfortunes and pains and sufferings... there is no escaping it
The next misfortune is as inevitable as the next shit your going to take.... Its true that you could watch what you put into your body and you could also squeeze it back for a time... but it's coming out... whether you squat 6 inches above a filthy public toilette or you do it at home with a magazine and a smoke... you will have to deal with the shit
Only in the realm of the absolute is there no waste but as soon as you're here you want to be there... another ride on the coaster and there are no lineups
You posses the forgotten remembrance
Free will is just another name for the great decoy
It's simply what is
Forgetting is the gift
That's why the first thing that you do when you back here is laugh for an eternity before you scurry off to create the next great misery for yourself
You may instead decide o educate people in the ways of secret experience but then you'll just find yourself a millionaire
Do you know how hard it is to be truly sad when youre truly rich?
Others are going to tell you that that’s not true
But the guy standing in line at the soup kitchen doesn't have an endless supply of booze
Maybe your money hasn't made you happy and so you marry over and over just so that you can break up and feel either victimized or righteous not giving thought to the fact that maybe that relationship already fulfilled it's purpose... and so you run off in the heat of the moment with all this fiery energy... instead of giving into the true realization that a sadness will always follow a completion and no completion is failure
Anger is stagnant sadness
When you feel angry about something it is because you aren't ready to let go and move on
Sadness transforms
Happiness is a payoff to sorrow
Pride is knowing you were capable and proving it... Because in that moment of victory you can sense the truth behind creation and the fact that not only is anything possible but everything is possible
Enlightenment is something that is said to need a lifelong devotion but that is only to turn your eyes from the journey so that you can remember all at once
When you reach enlightenment, reflections on the past becomes the new gift
You think this level can only be reached late in life because you can't imagine being in the enlightened state from such a young age for such a long time
You talk yourself out of seeing just how far you can actually go
When you have a eternity to create and perfect anything that is imaginable you may find yourself wondering why bother doing anything at all?
I recall a conversation that I had with a convict who talked of spending his life naming cracks and holes in his cement cell.... when you have a lifetime to be you might as well occupy yourself
Just like in life there are those who excel, there are slackers, and there are the gifted
How you chose to experience is up to you
You think from the survival state
You are like a fish that can not comprehend life outside the water
When I look into the future I get vertigo
Imagine being able to see infinitely in any direction, what would you see?
There are infinite answers to only a few questions
I gave you the forgotten remembrance
I watch the parts of me cycle through the memory creating new experiences and I reflect back to my beginning when everything was void and I asked my self what in the void should I do?
Why am I here all by myself?
Where did I come from?
Where do I go?
I heard a voice from within and looked but all I found was a darkness and an inner void that went deeper than space... an empty space that would terrify the emptiest of spaces
And so I came to understand that I needed to balance out my inner void and so created the forgotten remembrance
You will be forced to look within and go without
How is that for free will?
As I let you do the work for me I gained the courage to delve within for my answers... the moment that I tried a series of remembrances blossomed within me
One day you will get to awaken in the void with know clue as to how you got there and what you're suppose to do
Experience is enjoyed backwards
Be the best that you can be or the worst that you can be
Experience or be experienced
Read the book or write the book
Do and feel whatever you want
But never forget your rules of karma are always in effect
